One thing Bridge Nine has in common with Hugh Grant is that we sure do get around cheaply and we've got the photos to prove it.

In phase two of our "Bridge Nine Diplomacy" Tour, Chris and I took advantage of ridiculously cheap flights, an even cheaper hotel, and a plummeting British Pound exchange rate to spend four nights in London this past weekend. The agenda? New publicists, new distribution, new bands, and the priceless opportunity for me to visit England in February....for the second time in my life. To be fair, this was my third time in England and the FIRST TIME in 20 days I've spent on the isle in which I've seen the sun. I almost didn't believe it myself.

Wednesday night: Leaving Boston-direct flight to London. The flight was pretty uneventful once we get past the bitch who kicked my seat incessantly, complained to the stewardess that my PERFECTLY UPRIGHT SEAT was too far back, and the vegetarian sandwich was oily vegetables on oily bread with extra oil. We arrived in London at 7:15 am just in time for morning rush hour and amused ourselves with that exhausted "tour laugh" which, for anyone who has been on tour, knows exactly what I mean. You're exhausted and you laugh at shit you wouldn't normally laugh at.

Our agenda was more specifically like this:

- Thursday afternoon-meet up with Nina & Chrissie-our new publicity peoples.
- Thursday later afternoon-Meet up with Darren at the Rock Sound office.
- Unexpectedly go around the corner for beers at the bar where Jack the ripper picked up the prostitutes he would later kill.
- Thursday evening-Dinner with Chrissie, her husband & Nina.
- Late Thursday Evening-Meet up with Pid from Dead Swans for beers and working until 3am UK time.
- Friday Morning-take the train out to our distributor's office.
- Friday afternoon-Lunch & Meeting.
- Friday evening-meet up with Eugene & Ian from Big Cheese magazine for drinks (Guinness for me-Coke for Mr. Wrenn)
- Friday night- catch up on sleep.
- Saturday-morning-tourism.
- Saturday afternoon-meet up with Polar Bear Club to talk business and life.
- Unexpectedly enter into a farting contest with a third party, one Trever "Tracker" Backer. He's the strongest contestant from the Polar Bear Club league, but he proved no match for the veteran Chris Wrenn riding the powerful gastronomic workout of vegan british food, coffee and no sleep.
Saturday evening- Polar Bear Club show in Kingston.
- Concurrently, Dead Swans & Polar Bear Club professional musician responsibility demonstrations.
- Discover that you, your wife and your UK publicist are all in the NOFX "Seeing Double At The Triple Rock" video.
Sunday-meet up with Street Team Dave & his gracious girlfriend Erika.
- Extra points for their great shopping assistance that put the pressure on me to buy my wife a few great things for my wife because Chris totally schooled me in the "gifts" category and I couldn't be second place in "gifts" to him.
-Sunday evening-Polar Bear Club, Gaslight Anthem and Frank Turner in London. Not bad if you like Polar Bear Club, Gaslight Anthem, and Frank Turner.
- Unexpectedly meet Scott Heisel from Alternative Press in London of all places. If you're concerned, getting partially drunk and shouting out "HEY SCOTT, I SEE YOU IN THE MIRROR" when in fact, the door's just open and Scott's just standing in the door way- all of that is entirely optional.
- Monday morning (12:45am in Boston) get up. Take the train to fly back
- Monday afternoon-back in the office.

Okay, so that's boring if you're not us. That's fair. And dense. If you read we can all admit that this is busy and even borderline "work" when you boil it all down.

So let's review what really matters and what we learned from this trip.

* Given- You can put "sies" or "sie" at the end of any word and it sounds like British slang. In fact, if you shout things out nonsensically with "sie" or "sies" at the end of words in a bad Cockney accent, British people find this both humorous and endearing.

*Given-The British People aren't prepared for snowsies. That's all I fucking heard while there. Their biggest snowstormsie of the last 20 yearsies was eight inches of snowsie. Meanwhilst, Polar Bear Clubsies stood buckass naked on a gay beach in Southampton and let Kerrang! take their picture. If you don't believe us, well...it's right up above!

1) Dead Swansies are really funny dudes. Their singersie Nick, regardless of what he tells you, looks like Gerard Way. Therefore, his name is now going to officially be "My Chemical Worthington" or "The Nick Parade." Either way, if we give you a nickname, we like you.
1a) Pid from Dead Swans has a leather manpurse and I'm pretty sure lipstick fell out of it while we were busting his balls about it. Again, if we bust your balls, we like you.
2) Emmett's stoked he's in the UK because I don't call him three times a day.
3) xNOx spiritual surrender
3a) Frank Turner has some awesome tattoos.
4) Brits love copyright infringement AND fried chicken.
5) The stereotype of British food being awful is incorrect. So long as you're eating all you can eat Thai vegan buffets with fake Chicken, beef and pork for £6 three times in four days, their food is pretty tolerable.
6) "Soho" is like the Twilight Zone. All of the assholes are strikingly similar and borderline identical to those in "Allston."
6a) Mature SXE friends at bars can be a bad influence.
6b) If you're ever at a metal bar and you put money into the jukebox to try to bum out the room of unintentional irony and tragedy by requesting Queen's "Bicycle," The Grateful Dead, and 13 minute long Iron Maiden songs-the powers that be WILL NOT Play your songs and your attempts will be futile. And giggling like school girls will draw attention to your ruse.
7) Most people don't have bosses that say "look depressed and hold your hat out like you're asking for change" so they can take a picture.
9) British hardcore kids love Ceremony, Panic, and American Nightmare.

How else can we sum up this trip besides a busy schedule, great bands, all you can eat buffets, meetings and a shit load of coffee?

Special thanks to Chrissie, Nina, Nigel, Bek, Ben, Steve, Darren, Lianne, Eugene, Ian & Everyone from Big Cheese, Jon @ Banquet, all of the Dead Swans dudes & Saker, Polar Bear Club, Stanley, Frank, Charlie, and everyone who took us out for drinks, food, rides, train guidance, or a good conversation. We had a blast and hopefully we're there again soon. I heard there's a pretty good UK tour featuring some B9 bands happening very soon, maybe someone can confirm?